Welcome to the June 2012 Carnival of Natural Parenting: Embracing Your Birth Experience
This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama. This month our participants have written about at least one part of their birth experience that they can hold up and cherish.
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June 6, 2009. My doctor had estimated that my baby girl would have been born four days earlier. My sister, Krystle’s high-school graduation was that morning and she was graduating from a prestigious private school which she’d attended for the last 7 years. I’d wanted to go. Instead I was on the phone with the hospital describing my contractions (which I knew were Braxton-Hicks but wanted to be sure) and preparing to go in. My eldest daughter Ryleigh, who was 5 at the time, had gone with my family to the graduation. Just as well. I was in no mood to talk about how Dora The Explorer probably takes her grilled cheese. I would go into labor the following day and welcome Logan after only 7 hours, ‘only’ for me because I was in labor with Ry for 26 hours.
I was 19 when I’d had Ryleigh (18 when I conceived) and very unprepared for the process of birth. I didn’t even know to consider birth a process. With Logan I knew. I’d been a mother for five years now and in that time I’d also been growing up, myself. I’d started to consider that there were options to the mainstream notions I’d been following since birthing Ry. I’d begun to seek alternatives for what I was doing as a mother that just didn’t feel right to me, at least for my family. I knew before I had Logan that I wanted a drug-free, natural, home birth – in the water would be super nice. I envisioned myself with my midwife and my husband, my braids falling down my back, sweat in my eyes, breathing calmly, the top of my copper-brown belly breaking the clear water. I’d been watching lots of home births and water births and they all just looked so intimate and utterly…sacred. I wanted that.
I also knew that unfortunately, I was not going to get that this time around. Logan’s father would not even be present at her birth. That hurt, a lot. The days leading up to her birthday I resolved to perk myself up and to not think of the ‘if only’. I wanted to focus on what was real and prepare myself to welcome this child, who would have no idea of what had been happening before her arrival, and who deserved all of the fanfare and celebration I could muster after my hard work.
I labored at home for a long time, much longer than I’d done with Ry. Here is where I began to get excited, and to realize that this birth and this baby (and my first birth and baby) were extraordinary. I wasn’t the same petrified girl I’d been almost 6 years before. I’d been educating myself. I understood what was happening to my body. I was prepared to ask, “Why?” about anything my doctor suggested that I didn’t understand or that made me uncomfortable. And, most importantly to me – I had a plan for the type of mother I’d be when she was born. The first item on my list: I was going to exclusively breastfeed this baby until the end of eternity. Okay not the end of eternity but at least for six months. I’d weaned Ryleigh very early after about a month of trying, and as I’m sure I’ve mentioned before, it devastated me.
I appreciated now that the pain I was feeling, which I knew would only heighten as the minutes passed, wasn’t my enemy. I closed my eyes and rocked back and forth on my knees, imagining Logan in my mind, wondering if she was in pain, seeing her little face grimace with each contraction. I walked around my neighborhood. I lay on my side in fetal position, and then stretched. I bent over the counter and breathed. I think maybe deep down I was trying to birth at home in my little city apartment across the street from the train yard. My mother was in the back room moaning because she claimed she could feel my labor pains. I’d told her she better not dare come out. One of my younger sisters was there as well. Ry, who had promised throughout my pregnancy to be my labor coach, had burst into tears at my first big contraction and declared, “I wanna go downstairs (to my neighbor’s house to be fed and coddled by old, Southern, black women who were frying chicken at the time)!” Just as well. I had no time to hear her ask again if I thought I’d die during labor.
Finally I was at the hospital. I could feel that my Logan was coming soon. The midwife I’d been seeing at my Health Plan wasn’t present for my birth, instead there was an MD whom I’d grown to really like. He was very quiet and personable, smiled a lot, and sort of looked like Anderson Cooper. The nurse was excellent as well. My mom sat to my left, holding her stomach and trying to breathe through her sympathy contractions. My sister Isha, who was 15 at the time, stood by my side. My youngest sister Jewell and Ryleigh were in the hospital waiting room. This was my birth party, at least for now. As I sat up against the hospital bed, breathing slowly and methodically (something I was so proud of myself for because I’d given the docs a really hard time with my crazy breathing with Ry), I thought to myself, “Hey, you are really doing this. You are so calm. I know, this isn’t the way you want to be birthing, but it’s the way you are right now. I’m really proud of you.”
I was proud of myself. I was calm. I was in control. I don’t know why but even though I was given an epidural with Ryleigh I could feel much more of what was happening with Logan. I stated to Dr. Ross that I needed to push and he repeatedly said, “No, you don’t.” That was pissing me off. Finally I said, “Dr. Ross I seriously need to push, now!” He assumed position and asked me to breathe and give him a big push. First one and her head started to emerge. “You really did need to push, huh?” He asked. Ha-ha-freakin-ha, I thought. I pushed two more times and Logan was born. Screaming at the top of her lungs; demanding to know who’d expelled her from her warm, wet sanctuary; eight pounds, three ounces of caramel-colored chub. Carnation-pink lips, a mass of shiny black curls atop her head, and staring at me like I was all she needed to know. This is the voice, her eyes said.
My sister Isha cut the umbilical cord because I didn’t know about delayed cord clamping at the time. She was very proud and I was happy to have her do it. Dr. Ross showed us the placenta, how it had functioned for Logan, and said it looked great. They cleaned her off and gave her back and I did what I’d been waiting so long to do: I put my baby to my full breasts. She had a perfect latch. She closed her nickel-sized eyes and moved her gigantic cheeks softly, in rhythm. I heard the faint, “Gmm, gmm” of her sucking and a tear fell from my cheek. This wasn’t my ideal birth but I’d still received the finest outcome. I was holding a new human being in my hand. I was a mother for the second time. I was going to get a chance to change all of the things I’d wanted to improve on with Ryleigh. I’d given Ryleigh a sister. I’d given my mother another grandchild.
When I remarry and have more children, there are numerous things I will do completely differently than I’ve done with my first two children. Having a home birth is certainly the first change I’ll make. But when I reflect on Logan’s birth I am not disappointed. Maybe it’s because I was educated about what I wanted but knew that I just couldn’t do it at the time…but that I will someday. And as I think back on the way I felt and the way I continue to feel, I know I didn’t miss out on anything. Logan will be three years old in two days and we are still breastfeeding. She never had formula or cereal. She’s a worn baby. I cloth-diapered her. I’ve changed a lot about the way I parent and I will continue to share what I know with my children I am currently mothering; and learn as much as I can before the next ones are here. I’m happy with my birth experiences, they are part of the reason I realized I needed to learn. My home births will be astonishing and breathtaking and everything I want them to be, but I look at my children, at my Logan, and I know that it was sacred this time, too.
How was your birth special for you? Please share in the comments!
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Visit Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!
Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:
(This list will be live and updated by afternoon June 12 with all the carnival links.)
- I Had A C-Section. So What! — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama rewrites her birth story now that she has worked through the feelings of inadequacy and disappointment of not having the “perfect” birth.
- The Perfect Birth — Kellie at Our Mindful Life reflects on how a birth can be far from what we imagined, but still perfect.
- Own Your Birth: My Hope For All Expectant Moms — Andrea at Tales of Goodness shares how she owned her birth spiritually (while navigating it physically) in order to have a joyous experience.
- Carnival of Natural Parenting: My Birth Experience — It wasn’t what Lily at Witch Mom wanted, but it was everything she needed.
- The Painless Natural Homebirth of BabyE — Shannon at GrowingSlower wants women considering natural birth to know painless births are possible.
- Reflections on Jemma’s Birth … 20 Months Later — It took a second pregnancy for That Mama Gretchen to fully embrace her first birth experience.
- Loving My Unnatural Birth Experience — Erika at Cinco de Mommy cherishes her very first birth experience, in all its unnatural glory!
- Be Careful What you Wish for in Birth — Amber at Strocel.com had two births, and it was the one that went to plan that she struggled with embracing.
- Redeeming an unexpected hospital transfer — Lauren at Hobo Mama looks back at her first, interrupted home-turned-hospital birth, and finds the beauty in what happened.
- All of it — Laura from Pug in the Kitchen had to learn to embrace the whole experience of birth even though it meant being naked . . . with an audience.
- Birthing Dreams & Realities — Momma Jorje never had a “dream birth,” but she wouldn’t change a thing about her births.
- Memories of Birth: Calm Amidst the Storm — While neither of her children’s births had been quite what she expected, Cynthia at The Hippie Housewife cherishes one moment in particular from each of her birth experiences.
- Embracing Our Birth Stories — Luschka from Diary of a First Child shares a sensitive post on her recent birth which both did and didn’t go ‘to plan’, and writes about the journey of coming to terms with the good and the bad.
- Two Beautiful Births — Sheila at A Gift Universe remembers how her mother brought out the beauty in each of her children’s births, and tries to do the same with her sons’ birth stories.
- Embracing My Supernatural ChildBirth Experiences… — Jenny at I’m a full-time mummy shares her fond memories on both her supernatural childbirth experiences
- Embracing the Hospital Birth Experience — Jenn at Monkey Butt Junction believes that sometimes a medicated, induced hospital birth is the right choice for a natural parent.
- Carnival: Embracing Your Birth Experience — Stephanie at The Other Baby Blog embraces the birth experience from a paleobiologist’s point of view and takes a look at how humans defy their anatomy.
- Reflections on My First Birth and Preparing for a Second — Abbie at Farmer’s Daughter shares the strength she didn’t realize she had until she gave birth to her son.
- becoming a mama – embracing my birth experience — Meegs at A New Day remembers the birth of her daughter Gwenivere, and the empowered feeling it left her with.
- What About Us? A Poem About Birth — Kat at Loving {Almost} Every Moment shares a poem she wrote about healing from an unexpected and emotionally painful birth experience.
- Be a Man: One Father’s View of Birth — Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children shares her husband’s advice to other fathers and partners.
- A Birth Monologue — Kat at MomeeeZen shares a monologue she wrote during the process of healing from her birth experiences.
- Forgiveness: My Birth Journey — Leah at The Crunchy Farm Baby discusses what happens when her planned homebirth doesn’t end up the way she wanted, and explains her journey of forgiving herself for losing that “perfect” birth.
- Patching together a perfect birth — KrissyFair at Think Mama, Think learned that sometimes a perfect birth happens in pieces.
- Celebrating and Sharing the Possibilities of Perfect Birth — Terri from Child of the Nature Isle joyfully shares details of her perfect births and wishes to inspire a more positive cultural expectation about birth.
- Instinct – Embracing Your Birth Experience — Laura at Laura’s Blog reflects on instinctual moments during and after the births of her two daughters.
- I was Foolish Then — ANonyMous at Radical Ramblings describes how foolish lack of preparation for childbirth led to a feeling of powerlessness and fear, but that in the end she had her baby in her arms, and that’s one thing she can celebrate.
- Sometimes no plan is the best plan — Tat at Mum in search contemplates that maybe she doesn’t need a birth plan for her upcoming birth.
- Disturbing the peace — Kenna at Million Tiny Things thought she would be a calm, quiet baby-haver. Ha!
- Accepting the Unexpected During Birth — Emily at S.A.H.M i AM imagined herself laboring on a birthing ball but she never imagined where she’d really be most comfortable when the time came…
- Sacred This Time, Too — Kimber at The Single Crunch learned enough to know that the way she birthed wasn’t they way she wanted to; but she also knew to enjoy it for what it was.
- The Birth Partner: A Great Natural Labor Companion — Justine at The Lone Home Ranger thinks that the secret to her pleasant natural labors was having a great support system.
- the Best Thing About My Labor Experience — Crunchy Con Mommy realizes that amidst all the things that seemed to go wrong with her labor, the love and support of her husband was the one thing she could always count on!
- Your Birth Was My Favorite — Dulce de leche describes some of the highlights from each of her four births and explains why despite the differences, they are all her favorites.
- Birth Story: Part One – Moon on a Stick! — Gentle Mama Moon tells the first part of her birth story to share some of the delight of labouring at home.
- Embracing My Birth Experience by Sharing My Birth Story — Dionna at Code Name: Mama made peace with her first birth by sharing the story with her son.
- Focusing on the Beauty of Birth — Julia at A Little Bit of All of It shares the beautiful aspects of her birth center water birth.
- A Joyful Induced Delivery — Amy Willa: Me, Mothering, and Making it All Work notes the meditations and perspective that helped her achieve an unmedicated birth despite being induced for medical reasons.
- Finding Joy in an Imperfect Childbirth Experience — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now tells what she learned from her two very different childbirth experiences.
- What’s to like about a c-section? — Jessica at Crunchy-Chewy Mama is glad she her second child at home, but she also cherishes much about the c-section she had four years earlier.
- What Story Will I Tell? — Rachael at The Variegated Life realizes that the way she tells the story of her second child’s birth matters — and could be exhilarating.
- I Quietly Put My Hopes to Rest E — Erica at ChildOrganics shares her emotional ups and downs with the highly intervened birth of her special needs daughter, Bella.
- Tale of Six Births — Jessica at Instead of Institutions appreciates that unique challenges and joys of each of her births.
- Labouring naturally: nature’s gift — Caroline at stoneageparent describes the most beautiful, spiritual aspect of the labour of her son, the first stages along a bumpy road to giving birth.
- All The Woman I Am. — Lindsay at This Woman’s Work shares a poem about letting go and surrendering during the thralls of labor.
- A twin birth story: embracing the unexpected — Megan at The Boho Mama shares her twin birth experience and how she found the silver lining when faced with preterm labor, premature birth, and a two-week NICU stay.
- Giving Birth With Eminem — Kerry at City Kids Homeschooling shares how fiery rap music contributed to an empowered homebirth with her third baby.
- Two Different Births — Cassie at There’s a Pickle in My Life shares how she learned from her first birth experience and how to trust yourself and your body.
- Embracing Our Potential: Birth as a Metaphor — Sheila from A Living Family guest posts at Natural Parents Network and expresses how birth has served as a metaphor to help her through other experiences in life.
- Little Sister’s Birth Story: Our VBAC Adventure — Charise at I Thought I Knew Mama describes the recent birth story of her baby girl, her pride in an epidural-free VBAC, and how her story isn’t exactly the birth experience she had planned for.
- A Journey in Birth Confidence — Shannon at The Artful Mama shares her experiences with labor during both of her sons’ births.